I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I am mentally ready for anal.
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