She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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