I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
