On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
