i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
so that wasnt chicken after all
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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