Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Acid is not a monday night drug
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
