I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
