wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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