I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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