No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
