Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
