we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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