He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
