i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
