I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
