Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
