I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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