Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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