is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
