I molested 6 butterflies tonight
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
