Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
