he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
