it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Congratulations! We have a period
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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