idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
