my room smells like sperm. sweet.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
