so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
