let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
