it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
