who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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