you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
