Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
