Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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