im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
