Porn is love you can see.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
