There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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