your thong is hanging out like whoa
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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