pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
