Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
That accounts for only three of the penises
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
