i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
