I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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