I skipped work to stalk him.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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