I can tuck mytits in my pants
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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