so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
