update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
