Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
