Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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