Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
