i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
