So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
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