remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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